This morning I woke up thinking, "if I didn't feel like I had purpose before, now I really don't feel like I have purpose. What am I going to do?"
Yesterday at church our lesson in Relief Society (the women's organization, and is also the third hour of the day for all women 18 years and older) was from the Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Gordon B. Hinckley, The Whisperings of the Spirit.
In the lesson he quotes Elijah,
Gordon B. Hinckley goes on to say,“And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:“And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice” (1 Kings 19:11–12).
Such almost invariably has been the word of God as it has come to us, not with trumpets, not from the council halls of the learned, but in the still small voice of revelation. Listening to those who seek in vain to find wisdom and who declaim loudly their nostrums [or cures] for the ills of the world, one is prone to reply with the Psalmist, “Be still, and know that I am God: …” (Ps. 46:10) and with the Savior, “He that hath ears to hear, let him hear.” (Matt. 11:15.)
Another thing I've been thinking about this morning, and for the past few months, is how I really can't do anything without Christ. I definitely learned that lesson last year with all of my health problems. It was a very humbling and spiritual experience to begin to see just how much the Lord helps us every moment of every day of our lives. Every breathe I take every day is a blessing, and I'm grateful for this life that I have been granted to live.
But on the flip side of that, I've since been struggling with, "well, if I can do nothing without Him, then what/who am I?" I've felt very worthless and lost. It's been rather discouraging.
This morning as I've thought about these things, yesterdays lesson combined with my other thoughts, I was reminded that we are the offspring of our Heavenly Father, and as such, we have the same attributes and characteristics as He does.
Here's what I realized,
If the Lord is not in the large and boisterous world, with fame and glam, and riches and glory, but is instead in the still small voice, then that must be my place also. I don't need fame and recognition and glory. I can find joy and purpose in the quiet, mundane, and simple acts of service that often get overlooked and unnoticed. Because isn't that exactly what the Lord does every single day? How often do His works and miracles get overlooked, unnoticed, and even demeaned and rejected? Am I in bad company if I seek to keep my place among what the world would call the "nobodies"?! Not.at.all.
I found that in all of our moving, and with all the people we've met, and in all my observations, that the cream of the crop is really among the quiet and simple, those who don't shout for attention, but rather live their lives the best they can and focus their attention on the doing what good they can - not on getting the attention of everyone else.
Ramble: Which for me, this is also a reminder that the whole idea of "getting more followers" or more subscribers, or more whatever, has never been something that's made me happy or fulfilled. It can be exciting, definitely! And humbling, and mind boggling. lol. But that is also not where I want my focus to get caught up in. Counting numbers is not joy. The people are joy. not numbers. and I feel like in my business, I've really lost that connection with the awesome people that I've been blessed to meet - who I wouldn't have met without my business, but I also haven't been able to foster those relationships. Anyway...
I have also experienced in my own life, that as I do the little things like washing the dishes or cleaning my home, or doing the laundry, that it is in those simple acts of service in creating an atmosphere of love and comfort for my family, that I do find great joy and satisfaction in doing those things. Granted they are not on the top of my list of things I want to do. And they often get neglected. And now that I am not focusing my attention on my business, my husband better not get the idea that I'm now going to spend 100% of my time cleaning and organizing and I will suddenly become the *perfect* housewife. lol. But it's still hard to feel satisfied with that sometimes. And I still find myself wanting to do more.
Anyway, I also realized this morning that with my struggle of feeling like I can't do anything on my own, that perhaps that doesn't have to be a bad thing! Perhaps that is the BEST thing I could learn and utilize. And that perhaps instead of feeling of little or no worth because of it, instead I can find the greatest possibilities as I team up with the one who overcame all things and can do all things!
I love the scripture,
13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (Philipians 4:13)
Isn't that such a glorious statement?! Oh how easy I forget...
So here's to throwing out all of the
business standards expectations that I slowly adopted over the years (you know, like you can't write a blog post if you don't have perfect photos, or any phtos at all, oops I just broke that one!) ;) All of which are in fact very good rules, and I'm not dissing them. (For a long time I thought it was the rules or guidelines that were restricting me, but then I realized today that it was the self-imposed expectations that I placed on myself. Expectations of what my business should look like, things I should post or shouldn't post (posts like this one), etc.) But for me they became restrictive - a list of don't do's, and I felt like the more I followed *the rules* the more I lost myself and who I was, and the less I shared the exact things that I have to offer that make me who I am. It's not a bad thing, it's just now who I am.
After all my thinking this morning, I have decided to not try and figure out who I am. I'm not going to try and find my purpose or my role in this life. I'm not going to try and define myself or what I want to do.
Instead I'm going to take each moment as it comes. I'm going to find what I can give and give it. I'm going to focus on Christ, and live with Him. I'm going to show up and see what happens! I can do nothing on my own, but I can't wait to see what I can do with Him by my side! After all, our weaknesses are not bad, they are possibilities and potential just waiting to happen,
And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. (Ether 12:27)